Dear Conservative Americans
We here at the Islamic State (praise be to Allah) also known to you as ISIS or ISIL want to reassure you that we have no intention of coming to your country to attack you. We realize that many of you think we are already there, since that phony ex-CIA agent on Fox, Wayne Simmons (recently arrested for impersonating a CIA agent), told you about these so-called “sleeper cells” all over your country. We got a really good laugh about that, but recently realized that none of that is necessary.
This revelation came after the most recent attack by one of your “deranged lunatics” (you know, since that is what you call your Christian terrorists), upon a Planned Parenthood facility. We realized that rather than spend all the money on travel, suicide vests, bomb-making laboratories as well as the explosives themselves, plus risking our own lives on the transport and detonation of these devices, that our work would be redundant.
We could never bring as many guns into your country as you already have. We could never import as many haters of your government as you already have. We could never, in a thousand years, kill as many American as you kill in a year, all by yourselves. The kind of hatred and distrust that you have for yourselves could never be duplicated by a few thousand ISIS members, so why bother?
We do have our differences though. We, at least, are willing to die for what we believe in, whereas you are only willing to kill for what you believe in. But hey, even the best of friends can’t agree on everything!
What is it that you say? “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”? It appears that you have done just that. You have helped us tremendously by constantly invoking our sacred name (praise be to Allah) and spreading fabricated terror about us, all the while helping us do our sacred duty (praise be to Allah) by doing it for us.
Nobody hates Americans and America more than you sacred Second-Amendment patriots, and we thank you for it.
From our God to your “God,” we thank American Conservatives for making our job easier, and allowing us to concentrate on killing Syrian women and children!
Allahu Akbar motherfuckers!
The inherent power of a terrorist is in inverse proportion to our refusal to be terrorised.
His bravery is fed by your cowardice.
Your desire to cower, to hide, to protect yourself feeds his desire to find you and kill you.
Your fear of death simply intensifies his satisfaction at his relinquishment of it.
As the details of the recent terrorist acts in Paris unfold, there have been numerous articles and Facebook posts regarding the futility of praying for the victims of that tragedy when the entity to whom one would be praying should have, if he existed at all, presumably been powerful enough to have stopped the event in the first place. This is a sentiment with which I happen to agree.
One man, an acquaintance of mine, did respond as I had expected others to do as well. His response was that God gives man “free will”, which, by what I take from that response, is to mean that having given this free will to man, he, God, is now powerless to retrieve it, even in small incremental incidents when having done so would have saved hundreds of those of us whom he claims to love so dearly, such as the recent Paris attacks.
Although I do not doubt the sincerity of this man’s feelings and the depth of his religious belief, I must take issue with that response since it is inconsistent with that which appears, to me, to happen all over the world on a daily basis.
If the entity referred to as God is truly all knowing, powerful and present, yet cannot control the actions of man due to his having given us free will, I must question why he has done so with so many other forces on earth. The forces to which I refer are hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanos, flash floods, fire and if it turns out not to have been man-made, climate change.
If we embrace the theory that man is uncontrollable by God because God has relinquished control over man’s will, then one must question why God has equally relinquished control over these other devastating and murderous phenomena. How many were killed by Hurrican Katrina, or Sandy, to name only two? How many will die in the next super earthquake which is predicted for California, or the tsunami that killed 19,000 men, women and children in Japan? Climate change may be the cause of the current droughts in California, but there have been droughts throughout history and people have died as a result. Bangladesh in the 1970s comes to mind.
How many lives are lost every year to tornadoes in the mid-west, presumably while some of those lost were huddled in their basements praying to this self-same God to spare their lives as their roofs were blowing off and their children were being carried off by the winds?
If I am to consider the possibility that the rationale for man’s inhumanity to man is God’s having given us “free will”, I must have an answer to the question of why he seems to have given that same free will to nearly everything else that can hurt us as well. Where is all this assumed power in this deity that makes him worth our reverence?
If he can make the earth flood, why can’t he also stop floods? If he can make it rain at will, why can’t he make it rain during droughts that kill thousands of babies?
Failing to answer those questions will help one better understand the position of Atheists.