Bill O’Reilly, that self-annointed harbinger of all that is decent and good, has decided that white kids are more resistant to celebrity influence than those stupid, err, ah, you know, urban ones.
The other day he offered his opinion on Beyonce’s newest video, in which she simulates having sex in the back seat of a car. This, according to Mr. O’Reilly, is bad. Bad for all those thugs (the newest euphemism for black kids) who can’t distinguish between reality and show business. You see, according to Mr O’Reilly, the proof of the ostensible damage done by Beyonce’s admittedly hyper-sexual video to our black youth (who O’Reilly only seems to care about when he thinks he knows something that they don’t) is the fact that 70% or 80% or 90% of black children are born out of wedlock (I have no idea if these numbers are accurate nor do I care. I only know that that’s what O’Reilly is claiming).
Now, I’m sure that black people everywhere are grateful that O’Reilly is once again explaining that they not very good at making life decisions, and so they seek his assistance to improve their lives. I mean, let’s face it, O’Reilly is an aging white male, and we all know that it is the burden of aging white males to tell those who are less old, less white and less male how to live more like aging white males. He apparently uses the vast resources at his disposal to do unbiased analysis of black children all over the country, I guess by inviting them to Beyonce’ concerts and then following them home to see if they, too, have sex in the backs of their cars.
Hey, I’m no fan of Beyonce’. To me she’s more celebrity than talent, but that’s not the subject here. She apparently has millions more fans than does this blog, so I guess she knows something that I don’t, but I digress…
I guess the only problem I’m having with this is the fact that O’Reilly doesn’t seem to think that Miley Cyrus, that unoriginal trailer park escapee whose primary talent appears to be arriving on stage mostly naked to stick out her tongue and grind her ass on men’s crotches, has a similar influence on white kids. I mean, if Beyonce causes black children to be born out of wedlock, then Miley must be responsible for at least a couple of two-year-old aspirational crystal-meth aficionados slung on the hip of some white chick whose stretch-marked tramp stamp is visible under her dirty Nirvana tube top and drives a 77 Trans Am replete with old air fresheners hanging from the mirror and duct tape holding up the right window. Ya think?.
Mr O’Reilly should keep to what he knows. I’m not sure what that is, but he should keep to it. You know, like when he commented that Abraham Lincoln, well known by historians for telling truly dirty jokes at inappropriate times, would never have diminished the Presidency by going on Zach Galifianakis’ internet-based show, Between the Ferns, as Barack Obama did. Now, I’m sure that Mr O’Reilly forgot that the internet didn’t exist when Lincoln was President, so he deserves a pass. I’m sure he also forgot that Richard Nixon went on the comedy show Laugh-In in 1969 and did sock-it-to-me jokes with Goldie Hawn. And also apparently forgot about George Bush’s little video where he joked about not finding WMD’s in Iraq (he pretended to look under a couch at the White House for them) But Barack Obama somehow diminishes the Presidency by his brilliant performance on Galifianakis’ show. Right…
Mr O’Reilly would be well served by tamping down his self-congratulatory, self-aggrandising pomposity and stepping out of his limo on occasion to actually meet some of the people he so easily dismisses as in need of his advice. Sure, the bottoms of his Bruno Maglis might get dirty, but the lessons in tolerance and acceptance of those who don’t cleave to his particularly banal world view would likely be worth it.