Gerald (Jerry) Zezas

Home » Incongruity » Jesus Has Left the Building-He’s at Sam’s Club

Jesus Has Left the Building-He’s at Sam’s Club


The word Christmas is defined by multiple sources as a mass honoring Christ. Yeah, Jesus Christ. That guy.

I’m reminding you of this in a somewhat facetious manner in order to bring to your attention that which you are not really celebrating as you stand in line at Walmart/Target/Kmart/Best Buy or whatever big box super center in which you are currently, or are soon to be, for that piece of merchandising brilliance made by starving workers on the other side of the world for the sole purpose of your having the latest iteration of whatever meaningless garbage that you’ve decided you not only must have but must have at 50% off plus another 10% off for early-bird shoppers.

Or an iPad.

Now, for some reason, that starving worker in Jakarta, Bejing or Mumbai probably wasn’t thinking of honoring Christ with a mass when he assembled it. The trucker who drove it from the ship to the warehouse probably wasn’t thinking of honoring Christ when he did his job. Neither the forwarding company who brought it to the store, nor the minimum wage earner who put it on the shelf, and certainly not the pimply-faced kid with the really stupid looking uniform vest who sold it to you. Nope, I’d be willing to bet that none of those people intended that you would buy that shining example of our rampant banality for the purpose of holding it on high and praising the birth of Jesus.

But some of you ostensibly claim to be doing just that.

At the same time that conservatives are honking their red plastic horns at the prospect of a “war on Christmas” and other such blither, they are pushing one another aside, drawing weapons, overrunning the less athletic, the aged and the infirm among us to get inside those glass-encased big-box monuments to imbecility for the simple purpose of getting an Xbox One or Play-Station in the name of honoring he who, according to many comic books, died for our sins.

Read about it here…Black Friday marred by violence in several states

Now, folks, I don’t believe a word of that garbage. I’m sure Jesus was a heck of a nice guy and probably wanted to save some souls. But I’m not, shall we say, of that tribe.

What I do know is, those of you who do believe in that stuff and spend your days worshipping and praising him, stoning non-believers and prostitutes, burning homosexuals and subjugating your wives (you know, good Christian stuff) had better go to confession this Sunday and say something like, “Bless me father for I have sinned. It’s been _____ years since I completely forgot that nowhere in the New Testament does is say, ‘go forth and buy, buy, buy’”.

Because if you don’t, you will be a hypocrite. A big, snarly, unimpeachable hypocrite. And it turns out that another guy from that book (Matthew, 15:7-9) said, quite succinctly, “You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said:‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”

Smart guy, that Isaiah. But I hear he’s more of an Android guy.


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